I feel giddy.
Apr. 25th, 2025 06:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravena_kadeFeeling a bit weird... not in a bad way...just an energy way.
My 40s were great. Best 9 years I had ever had. Met a lot of new people...a lot of you people =) and did fun things. Then Ma started getting bad and I lost a few people between 49 and 51 and the last few years have been hard. Hard enough that I haven't done much photography (I haven't edited in years... I think I am afraid to) and I stopped my watercolor. Not good.
This year I hit 60... and I have a spark. It's not the job...the boss is disappointed that I am not smarter and believes that her minor conversations could have made me a born again bookkeeper. It's not family as everyone is sick, disabled or dead. I see people that thought they had the fairytale and they are reaching out to me saying they have a tough road ahead. Im not sure what it is, but I think my clock is resetting. Maybe it's because I have very clear examples where money can't give you anything, or I just stopped caring. I don' t know.
I have a keen interest to go out and take photos. I found a YouTube channel from a guy in Newburyport using photography as meditation. That spoke to me. There is a certain oneness I feel when I am focusing on photos... nothing else gets in. I can't achieve that sitting still.
The shelter is moving out of my reach and I am not sad. That time will be put back for painting.
Maybe it's because I have a clear idea of what I want.
I hope it works out =)
My 40s were great. Best 9 years I had ever had. Met a lot of new people...a lot of you people =) and did fun things. Then Ma started getting bad and I lost a few people between 49 and 51 and the last few years have been hard. Hard enough that I haven't done much photography (I haven't edited in years... I think I am afraid to) and I stopped my watercolor. Not good.
This year I hit 60... and I have a spark. It's not the job...the boss is disappointed that I am not smarter and believes that her minor conversations could have made me a born again bookkeeper. It's not family as everyone is sick, disabled or dead. I see people that thought they had the fairytale and they are reaching out to me saying they have a tough road ahead. Im not sure what it is, but I think my clock is resetting. Maybe it's because I have very clear examples where money can't give you anything, or I just stopped caring. I don' t know.
I have a keen interest to go out and take photos. I found a YouTube channel from a guy in Newburyport using photography as meditation. That spoke to me. There is a certain oneness I feel when I am focusing on photos... nothing else gets in. I can't achieve that sitting still.
The shelter is moving out of my reach and I am not sad. That time will be put back for painting.
Maybe it's because I have a clear idea of what I want.
I hope it works out =)
no subject
Date: 2025-04-26 08:47 pm (UTC)