ravena_kade

Yesterday Dad got the okay to go back to work with light duties, but not the okay to drive. He was put off by that. He said that if he couldn't drive he couldn't make all his appointments. He doesn't want to beg for rides. The NP said "It takes a village" I wanted to smack her for that. I understand the concern. They are adding new meds and they need to make sure he doesn't get dizzy with them. I get it. I also know if they told him he could not drive that he would have never had the surgery done. He needs to work to pay for his meds.

Dad went home with my cousin who was there for Chemo treatments. When I came home I asked if he told people that he was cleared for work. He did. The cousins think that is great. He called work and spoke to the supervisor of the stitchers and she was happy to hear it. He talked with another woman that we gave rides to for years and years and she made it sound like she didn't want Dad back and that all the ladies my Dad gave rides to wouldn't help him. This put him in a mood. He is a guy with a fan club and he felt rejected. It led to financial conversations and he once again tried pressuring me into a reverse mortgage.

Today I get a text from Dad's boss. He is real close to her. She gives him cards that says my Dad is her hero. She was on vacation (I knew that), but had to come home last night as her 84 year old sister in law had a massive stroke and may not make it. She asked if she could call me before she called my Dad. Insert tense music here...

She called. I said I was sorry to hear about her sister in law. Her husband must be devastated. She started telling me that she had been sick at Easter and now has an auto immune disease that they are treating, but it has changed things for her. If all is well she wants to retire in July. If the new boss that bought the company still needs help she will go part time until he is on his feet. I said I knew that because she spoke to Dad for a bit after Easter. She then started to say that the business is her legacy and that she wants to hand over a successfully grown business to the new boss. I agreed and said I understand wanting to retire. With all the stuff going on with my cousins I'm afraid I'll be dead at 69.... harsh, but I know where this is going. I heard the poor me stuff for a bit. I said that understand how scary this is and that you have a great legacy with your grandchildren so you should spend time with them....

She asked about Dad. I said I figure the supervisor called yesterday and said that Dad was okay to go to work. She asked how he was doing and I said that he is a rock star. He broke all sorts of records at the hospital and is chomping at the bit to go back to work. She then told me how they have made changes and hired people while Dad was out and reorganized things and that they dont have the money to bring him back full time. Then she said the new boss would let him back maybe part time, but he needs a letter from the doctor indicating what he can do. I said I would get the letter. I mentioned the ride situation just to rat out the ladies that Dad spoke to yesterday. She tells me it breaks her heart...bla blah blah. I said I understand as I was laid off after giving 30 years to a company. My Dad gave 67 years. If you had said that the new boss wasn't keen on Dad working in January he would have never had this operation. But I have to deal with it. She said it breaks her heart again. She said se and her husband wanted to take Dad out to dinner maybe next week if things are okay with the sister in law. I said she should ask him. She said that this conversation was just between the 2 of us and that she would call Dad later in the afternoon. I said fine... and I am not telling him this. That's the job of a boss. If it's too hard for you maybe Ted, the new boss could do it. I'll get the letter from the NP and then you can tell me where I can email it. She thanked me for understanding. I said dont really understand from a people perspective since he has been there for everything, but as a money perspective I do get it. It's about profit. I'll let you know when I have the letter.

I hung up and cried. How dare she call me during work with that type of news. When I came home she had not called Dad. Now I get that she may have been at the hospital. I do... but WHY BURDEN ME WITH SUCH A FUCKING CALL at work.

The boss caught me crying (she was in today) so I told her and the team what I was dealing with (I do like my coworkers) and they were shocked. Benita said "Your Dad got a new heart only just to have his work break it". Addy sits next to me and she heard the whole conversation. The boss asked if Dad had a pension...yeah, me. There is no money. I have to carry the house or loose it.

I didn't hide the issue from the boss mostly because if I do not see a raise next year I need to leave. If she was a good boss she would have asked me if I wanted to go home. 1 because I was very upset. 2 in order to quiet the coworkers down to get back to work.

The girls are trying to figure out a side hustle for me.

I am sick to my stomach, sad for my Dad, and angry.

Legacy... I wanted to scream that your legacy is a fucking sweatshop. What do I care about the business?

I told Dad about the letter. He said he thinks the girls dont want him back. I said he may be right. I told him that his boss texted me that she knew he wanted to come back, but Ted wants a Doctor's note. That's enough to get him prepared. I said that until Ted looks at the letter they won't want him back so maybe in May.

The boss said part time. She said half days like it was a favor. Sure. My advice is to will take what they give , but expect to be laid off when the boss retires. Then collect unemployment. That's what he told me all these years, even was I was sexually harassed. We'll see how it goes. I just need to pay down a few bills so I can take more over from him to keep the house.

Im not sure if he can smile and take it... he may punch Ted in the face...

I do get it. New boss. New direction. It's business. And a boss is just a boss. A worker is just a worker.

I just needed a year or 2. I told DQ that the day I had the panic attack before Christmas. Now it's worse as I have these extra weeks of expenses eating my bank account. I need a logical plan. That's all.

I just hope I am not forced to reverse mortgage.

Plan. Plan... FUCK

I did not get as much done as I would have liked. Perhaps I am solar powered.

Friday the visiting nurse called and said she'd be here for Dad's blood work by 9AM. Yay..that way I could get stuff done. Boo...she was over an hour late. I decided to take Dad for a physical therapy walk to the cafe where he eats breakfast and then to the corner store. He did well. We made it there in 20 minutes. Last week it was over 35 minutes. People were happy to see Dad. He seems to have a fan club.

When we got home my Texas Uncle called and we talked for an hour. He is the only family member that has asked me how I was doing. I appreciated that. After the call I zoned out and did nothing. That was good as I was very tired. I have lots of things spinning in my head and that is running me down.

I was still a slug on Saturday. Well half a slug. Dad care takes about 4 hours. I still have issues with food prep. Since I am the only income in the house I still have to combine meals and Im not liking a lot of the meals. I did go out and buy a nice cod loin for dinner, but once cooked I found the texture spongy. It was a captain's cut loin and not cheap. Dad liked it, but I wasn't happy...and I love fish.

Yesterday I went to the cousin's with Dad. I went to see if they needed any help with yard things or with the on going move of stroke cousin. They had some frozen chicken parm thing for lunch that tasted like a sponge with spaghetti sauce on it... I think I need a food therapist.... sigh. I did help them move some chairs over to the Nursing home for her.

Seeing stroke cousin at the home upset me. My cousin was very educated and very independent and things have changed so much since I saw her at Thanksgiving. Even at the weddings we went to she was conversational and with it...just manipulative about getting people to do things for her. I think that being scammed and her sisters' reactions to her caused a mental breakdown. She knew who I was, but her cognitive function was no longer what it had been a few months ago. We had to bring over chairs for her as she broke 2 chairs in the dining room and 2 in the TV room. They will not allow her in a recliner as she soiled one. It's so sad.

Today the sun was out and I was productive. I started spring cleaning. I was able to carry an old cheap desk out of the house and bring up the antic sewing table that I was to use for my bead station. I hope get a little bit done everyday. I also hope to purge a lot of things. I can't stand the clutter anymore.