(no subject)

This weekend I wasn't in any good head space.

I did try to go out to a couple of stores for things small stores, but they were closed because staff had COVID. =(

I did walk the beach after high tide. It fit good. Tons of clam shells, not just the soft shells, but the hard ones...soft ones, think Steamers, had think Cherry Stone. I even found a bat scallop shell. This just means that they bay is getting healthier. The mud still has a smell at low tide and you sink in it...but that is what a mud bottomed bay does. Its not like open water and sand.


There were so many open clams that caught my attention. Really. I asked a group of Crones if it had any meaning/symbolism. 2 say it meant they were dead. Yeah, the internet if full of smart asses. One pointed me to some info... she understood that my question was about the noticing and being called to them. She said it could be a spirit animal . The info said some things about a clam or mussel being a spirit animal suggests you should try to be happy where you are. Great the universe is telling me that too. I wonder if it is bad Karma to find your spirit animal delicious ;-) It does give more meaning to that ring I want ;-)

The thing is that I feel like a beef cattle... and I know what the slaughter house is and I am trying to get out of that line, but I cant...

Last night I went to the animal shelter. It was good to be with people and dogs All ere nice. The dogs were very happy for cuddles and play.

oh well...to work. Sigh. Let's see how many lies there are today.

(no subject)

Yesterday I worked 2 hours just so I could be ready for a training call today.

I had some questions on an account and wanted to get back to it, but before I did the Boston Boss called and wanted to know how I could make such a mistake. I told her that I needed to go back to the account but I needed to finish up all the other accounts first because some things are tie sensitive. She would not let it go She wanted to know how I could make such a mistake. I said that I am not sure but if you let me redo the item I will compare and I am sure I can pin point my error. Without seeing it in front of me I could not tell what was wrong. She wouldn't let me do that. She called the team leader and asker her how I could make such a mistake... but yet we dont know what the mistake is yet because she wouldn't let me run through the account. The team lead gets on the phone and says exactly what I said... and the Boston Boss says she has to hang up because she has a meeting. I apologized to the team lead and said I made a mistake and needed to go back to the account... I cant tell you how I made an error without looking at the account. I know something was off but I moved on to the other accounts to get them finished then I was going go back to this... I figured I pulled teh wrong data, but she wouldn't let me look at it. It was Human error I cant explain any further. I am not making light of it, but what else am I supposed to say here.

I hate this function.

The team lead said that she would report back to the Boston Boss. I said that I am not afraid to do it. It was what I sad when she first called me. She said it would be better if she spoke. Yes, I am sure it would be, but that is not the point.

So I worked 2 hours on a holiday and started an hour early today and I am still behind...and fucking upset.

I am looking for some words. I was forced into this position and I am not thriving because it is not a match for me. I said that wasn't a match for me March, June and September. What do I say that sounds professional that I am not thriving in a position that was I was forced into while they strip my strengths away. I am looking at 4o accounts and no, I don't remember the wording of one line out of 400 transactions.

I have gone to HR to search for another job and they say I should work with my manager. Ha!

I could hope that instead of striping me of my VISA function that they would move me to that department, but that is a call center... I don't have it in me to do this and take a ton of phone calls and give correct answers within 2 minutes. It would be like working in the pen place again. And then I would be let go when they open up the buildings in Rhode Island because I cant get there.

And now I have to teach myself a consumer loan suspense account when I don't know anything about consumer loans. I understand the concept that if you give a chimp a typewriter in 400 year he will write Shakespeare, but I wont think he can teach himself bank financial products