(no subject)

[ravena_kade]

This time of year bothers me.

My brain plays back the events that lead up to my Mother's Death.

Each day 8 years ago.

I just wanted to save her.

It hits harder this year. Trump is running again for president. It seems like a reset.

Need a future not a past.

Comments

[disneydream06]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Jon

[chris_warrior]

<3 thinking about you.

[fionaniconnor]

"Need a future not a past."

Yeah, I agree.

I never knew your mom, but I can't imagine a mother wanting nothing more than for her daughter to spend the rest of her own life dwelling in the past, dwelling on the negative.
I think it might be time for you to change your mind on how you view the past versus the future. Let your past inform your future but not deform it.

[ravena_kade]

Weird, but true...my Grandmother's death did the same to my Mother... Ma talked about it her last days... and talked about wanting a dog when she came back home.

I think a lot of this year is because my Aunt fell and broke the same bone my Mom did... but she has the support of 5 children and very good insurance. I had no help and no money and no insurance so no one wanted to help.


And I have changed a bit with my Dad...I gave him 2 years of trying to deal with his medical issues...and I told him if he doesn't want to participate in his own health then I am done.

[fionaniconnor]

It's tough, and I can't say I'm not dealing with a lot of guilt around my father's passing. I *can* sympathize.

But at a certain point you do have to shake off a bit and allow yourself some joy and some forward motion.

I know getting laid off sucks, I know that all too well after not working for seven months this year. I also know I've been in a different situation to you with a partner, but it doesn't mean I didn't have my own worries and woes and guilt.

Sometimes you just have to buck up and keep moving.

[malterre]

Hugs, I'm sorry the grief ambushes you.

[ravena_kade]

I think it's mostly because of the situation with my Aunt. The cousins have lots of people and my aunt's insurance is super good and they have Monet to pay for everything. I had no help, no money and there was no insurance.

[brickhousewench]

I just wanted to save her.

Your mother had to want to save herself. And from what you wrote at the time, she wasn't doing anything that she needed to do to take care of herself.

You always said your mother was a stubborn women. Why do you keep beating yourself up for not being more stubborn than she was? In a battle of wills, she was always going to win. There was nothing you could do to save her if she wasn't going to try to help herself.