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Oct. 2nd, 2023 12:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravena_kadeYesterday I was in a mood.
Still am today, but life goes on. Part of it could just be the time of year. Part of it is other's pushing expectations on me... It almost seems that I am the villain in the family for getting laid off so my Dad can't go on vacation. That was a conversation I had last night with my sister as she pushed too.
The other part is that I clearly still have PTSD from the horrible job that was the pen place and the horrible start of this job with the woman known as wack job and the racist mean turd with the MBA who kept threatening me. How to I not get into those situation again?
Also People keep pushing me into doing things that have made me scream in my kitchen out of frustration for the last 3 years... horror movie screams...just to blow off the stress. Not wise. I mention mental health and people just push it out of the way ... so I feel I don't exist.
I had thought to talk to an in law about working at the market where she works for December, but she quit because they would not let her change her schedule to take her grandson to a class. Really stupid n their part as she worked open and closing shifts on the weekend. She is starting at Home Deport next week.
I have decided that while unemployed and the weather is not dreadful that I must get out daily and walk a couple miles. My COVID inside body has gotten too much out of shape... yes, round is a shape, but I feel like a small moon...
I have also decided that 2 of my meals day will be plant based. I don't say Vegan as I know Candy Corn is vegan ;-)
Still am today, but life goes on. Part of it could just be the time of year. Part of it is other's pushing expectations on me... It almost seems that I am the villain in the family for getting laid off so my Dad can't go on vacation. That was a conversation I had last night with my sister as she pushed too.
The other part is that I clearly still have PTSD from the horrible job that was the pen place and the horrible start of this job with the woman known as wack job and the racist mean turd with the MBA who kept threatening me. How to I not get into those situation again?
Also People keep pushing me into doing things that have made me scream in my kitchen out of frustration for the last 3 years... horror movie screams...just to blow off the stress. Not wise. I mention mental health and people just push it out of the way ... so I feel I don't exist.
I had thought to talk to an in law about working at the market where she works for December, but she quit because they would not let her change her schedule to take her grandson to a class. Really stupid n their part as she worked open and closing shifts on the weekend. She is starting at Home Deport next week.
I have decided that while unemployed and the weather is not dreadful that I must get out daily and walk a couple miles. My COVID inside body has gotten too much out of shape... yes, round is a shape, but I feel like a small moon...
I have also decided that 2 of my meals day will be plant based. I don't say Vegan as I know Candy Corn is vegan ;-)
no subject
Date: 2023-10-02 07:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-02 07:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-02 08:25 pm (UTC)I wish you luck in your food and exercise journey :)
no subject
Date: 2023-10-03 02:43 am (UTC)Every time I try to talk about the grief I have, people tell me why I should not have grief. This leads to the need to scream in the kitchen.
The other day I was so frustrated with someone expecting me to be a non-feeling robot who they could harm without consequence that I yelled, "I am a human being! I am someone's beloved child!" I mean, I'm not, really, as my parents were more tyrannical than loving. But still....
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Date: 2023-10-03 08:16 am (UTC)It's so frustrating as I know that the people are doing what they would do, but I'm not them... they do not understand always wanting to be/do someing else since 1983... and now that I am close, but not close enough to 65, to keep having people hammer me with this is just too a lot for me to deal with along with my Dad's health issues.
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Date: 2023-10-04 02:47 am (UTC)Hang in there.
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Date: 2023-10-03 06:59 am (UTC)Scream away, you deserve it. :)
Pass the candy corn please. :)
Hugs, Jon
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Date: 2023-10-03 08:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-04 10:21 pm (UTC)