(no subject)

[ravena_kade]

Yesterday I was furious at being forgotten left and went to Revere beach. It was lovely The 4 hour travel time on the ailing train service was not. I should have went out into the garden and pulled weeds. The surf won out, but the trains ...sigh.

Today tried to have the "This is not a hotel" talk with Dad...and it was like talking to a brick.

I tried to do the "you need to do more than just keep your kitchen and bathroom tidy"

I asked how much time does he thinks it takes me to do all the cooking, all the low sodium food shopping and diet planing, all the calling and making medical appointments, all the bill writing, and all the house repair stuff? The cat has a better comprehension...not because of age, or brains... but because all this was my Mothers job in the marriage...but I have a 5o hour a week job. That I hate... and he just thinks "This Is The Way" Well F that.

Comments

[fbhjr]

I'm sorry for all this for you.

[ravena_kade]

Thank you.

In the end though... part of it is my fault for waiting around... for expecting things. My values are old fashioned. I need to change and make changes.

[fbhjr]

As someone who turned their back on their family and had nothing to do with them, there is a cost to that as well...

[cmcmck]

I do truly loathe this kind of man and age is simply NO excuse!

[ravena_kade]

He is certainly a dinosaur. My 86 year old uncle that passed in January was never like that. My Mom's brothers are also not like that.

Part of it is me... falling for it...expecting change. Part my Mother's for just doing it all. I can understand why she shut down those years before she passed. Nope. I just need to leave him be when I go out. I don't want harm to come to him, but I need to put some of my needs first. And when the cousins ask what I want him to eat I am going to say "Liver and Onions"

[house_wren]

Oh! Sending support to you!
I had similar experiences. It seems so common that only one person will understand the needs and limitations of the elderly person and everyone else thinks there are no needs and limitations. So frustrating!
I took care of my parents. The only good thing I can say about my siblings is that they were so unconcerned that they mostly stayed out of the way. This was better - or perhaps just different - than having them present and fighting about what we should be doing.
My mum was selfish, demanding and picky. She couldn't see how much it cost me physically, emotionally and financially to take care of her. There were good moments but ... whew. Exhausting. I don't regret doing it but it was 13 years of agghhhh!
So, anyway, waving at you from over here....

[ravena_kade]

Thank you.

[brickhousewench]

Today tried to have the "This is not a hotel" talk with Dad.

...because all this was my Mothers job in the marriage

At his age, I'm not sure he can learn to be different. Old dogs, new tricks and all that. =(

*hugs*

[brickhousewench]

Not sure if sitting down and having a "What do you do around the house and what I do around the house" conversation would help make it any clearer to him?

I was reading this the other day. It's for couples, but I think it applies to anyone who shares living quarters.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/23/style/fair-play-cards-heterosexual-relationships.html?unlocked_article_code=6EObPeB2HtAUXigRqgeu4cL7z1Frh-1MKaBoDnNc9w1BRnB2lgEJx2AzlIu0DLAKK4BS-pLXdxCmeFIIrX12792nVfdtZwN5xJUMj3TgMVFk0HKcl76uO8u5Qr-morahkRr55pletrBBAqaDEDPHkAiD2mKwwdTJK419ejDvkl-4EHkrxDXK4jxftZrc_3lmo-JATngXO8HoLOnuRJU2EfKN8K5GyiVggXDICubbYUub39M0wjocgKYMokZIo6L6WopQa0dc6tGLzrtGypl8yQSctKhRO1FYyOppzbKGwS6jnH6sTGUNx6t3vRQIU1wNh4KjCv0sadYJkLSxmWR-_JyOxeAM29W1yaU_f1CVeOlLCw&smid=url-share

[ravena_kade]

Nope. I agree.

The change is up to me. Meal prep and leave him on his own when I want to go out. Im not a party girl, but I don't like to be cooped up either.

[disneydream06]

UGH.....
I hope you continue to lay down the law with your dad.
He needs to step up better. :o

Sorry to hear about the trains. :(
Hugs, Jon