(no subject)

[ravena_kade]

Yesterday Dad was rather passive aggressive with me. I understand that he is frustrated, but so am I. I have so much on my plate and he wants me to do everything. He started with the "It would be better if I were dead theme" I just walked away. Later when he needed something I told he just to let me know if I am wasting my time with this and I can easily go someplace else. Sell the house and walk away.

A cousin came and picked him up to take him and her Mom out for the day. It was nice of her to do that. The went out to eat and look at Christmas lights.

I had a half a day so I ran away to Revere beach to walk the wrack line... That makes me happy and because I am hunting for something it lets me forget my issues for while. When I go there I look for Sea Scallop shells. They are not common there as they are a deep water shell. I did find a white one hidden with all the surf clam shells. I also walked to the clam place on that beach. It doesn't close down for the winter. Had some fried clams and then walked the tide line back and then onto the train station. It was a good escape.

Sadly I think I am doing some damage to my bones with all the hard walking I have done in 2 months. I hope I dont have arthritis in my hip joints. It has been hurting since I walked home from the grocery store last night.

Comments

[gwendraith]

Being the caregiver takes it's toll and I think many people forget that, especially the patient. Maybe your dad is a little bit scared of the future and he doesn't know how to express that? It was good of your cousin to take him out.

The break at the beach sounds perfct and I'm glad you got some quality time from it.

[ravena_kade]

I know he is worried. He never planned for "not working" so I will be they only pay chem in the house as his social security check will only cover his part of the mortgage and now his very expensive meds. Everything else is up to me.

That and I am not ready to rent out my apartment and move into his with him. My plan was to wait until I could take a piece of my 401k and redo half the cellar for living quarters for me and share the upstairs kitchen.

[gwendraith]

I'm sorry, you have so much to be worried about yourself as well as having your plans disrupted so badly. Life can be pretty crap at times and it seems there is no way out. I'm hoping things settle down soon for you as your dad gets slowy better. x

[ravena_kade]

Thank you.

I think things will settle down. Im someone that needs to know what is going on and then I need to formulate a plan. We are in Limbo here as we wait for Dr appointments. No one the hospital told us that he was leaving with heart failure. They said he would get better. Then when we saw a doc for the first time they really didnt tell us anything.

I am in limbo waiting to find out if Dad is disabled or not. I figured I would alway be in this spot, but not for 2 or 3 years.

I also figured I would lay low until spring and just paint or make things...but I am just scared every day that he will be back in the hospital.

[gwendraith]

I think you are marvellous dealing with so much. Knowing what is going on is half the battle and it's really difficult if there are unknowns. Try to do as much as you can of the things you love and breathe. What will be will be and bad times invariably get better again. x

[chris_warrior]

just so much empathy and love. i hope... you find some coping mechanisms to deal with your dad, hon. i'm pulling for you. <3

[disneydream06]

YAY for your cousin helping out like that. :)
In frustration of him saying he would be better off dead, I would be tempted to say, That can be arranged. UGH...
I hope your dad chills a bit and starts understanding your side of things.
HUGS, Jon

[kaishin108]

I really feel for you. I do hope you have a good Christmas.
Hugs, helen

[brickhousewench]

*hugs* I'm sorry your dad is being a butt.

[ravena_kade]

i am so tired