(no subject)

[ravena_kade]

60 years ago my parents went on their first date.

Tonight we released Ma's ashes.

Where she wanted. Where they hung out as kids... at a bench at the beach where they grew up.

At moon rise...

The moon was full, but low... and orange...

I hope the orange is a sign, I hope it, but don't feel it...

Someone graffiti-d the bench and wrote "GHOST" on it... that was not there yesterday when I walked there.


I wanted to save her...

Comments

[cmcmck]

Perhaps it's time to try to move on from self blame? You did all you could do and no one could possibly blame you for how things turned out.

[ravena_kade]

Sadly, there are people who have openly blame me... not my Dad or Sister...

Trying to move on. I think now that the last obligation is met, I can. She never liked this house and now she is where she said she wanted to be.

[cmcmck]

And where were they when it happened?..........

You have done what she asked for- you- not the gainsayers and hatespeakers and that's something to be proud of.

Your mother knows.

[ravena_kade]

Due to the nature of what my mom was contaminated with no one would come and help me when I begged for it...and the day after she died the cousins all went on vacation to Florida.

[cmcmck]

My point exactly! You at least tried- they did damn all so have no room to judge anyone!

[brickhousewench]

You couldn't save her without her help. And she's long since started her retreat from actually living. She had a good long life, and your folks had a long time together. Remember those good things.

*hugs*

[malterre]

Please tell me who the naysayers are so I can bitch-slap them for you. Your Mom lived the way she wanted until she couldn't any more. Frank has to remind me of that when i get guilt pangs about my own Mom. Your Mom wanted to be home without interference and there was a cost to that. Just like my Mom lived in east-end-o-nowhere and survived on candy, meat and liquor. Sure I could have forced the issue but no one would have been happy. You did the best you could for your Mom and respected her wishes.

[ravena_kade]

yeah... it's just that someone in the medical field gave her what killed her... I am angry with that... like if I found out just who I would make the suffer the way she did...

the anger is worse than the guilt...

Hello my name is....

[gwendraith]

I'm sure that she will be at peace knowing she's where she wanted to be. I hope you can now move on, bit by bit. Ignore those who would blame or criticise you. You did what you could and sometimes fate takes things out of our hands. *Hugs*

[ravena_kade]

I look at where she is as closure for me so I am trying to get back to a normal with Dad.

[gwendraith]

That's good :)