(no subject)

[ravena_kade]

Yesterday was a bit of an emotional day. I wanted my Mother. I wanted to just talk to her. I was watching something that made me feel like she was just erased from the planet and no one misses her.

Work feels like shoveling. Same thing for hours and hours and hours... It has hit the point where I just don't care. This is not how reconciliation should be done. You should be allowed the time to carefully review what happens in an account and have the time to reach out the people who are doing the transactions to let them know they are out of balance. Instead its 7 hours of slogging through all these entries and I just dont give a crap any more.


Today we had snow. The first significant snow fall of the season. It was pretty in the morning. It is a mess now. Hopefully it will all wash away in Sunday's rain. I want to get out of the house and walking around in snow/slush isn't much fun for me.

There is a new food place opening up in the retail area a few blocks away from me. It is an Asian BBQ check place. Take out only. I am looking forward to it opening. Might be a fun place to get take out for dinner.

Tomorrow I have a few chores to get through, but after that I think I will break out the new paints and at least make some color swatches. There is a tutorial I would like to try as well. We shall see.

Comments

[cmcmck]

I feel so guilt struck about feeling no loss at all for my own mother. :o(

[ravena_kade]

Hugs...

Everyone's situation and relationship is different and that is okay. You don't have to feel guilty. You had fight to be who you are and your parents were not a positive part of that journey.

[gwendraith]

Grief is a horrible thing to endure *hugs*.

I love Asian BBQ, I hope your new one is good.

[fionaniconnor]

I've been sorely feeling Grandma's loss lately.

I do talk to her. A lot, actually.

Do you talk to your Mom? I find that just nattering on to her helps.

[ravena_kade]

I don't talk to her. She was mad at me before I had to make the decision and was not conscious. I know I did what she wanted, but it broke my heart to do it.

[fionaniconnor]

Maybe it's time to start talking.
Or write her letters and leave them on her bench.

[ravena_kade]

her ashes were spread at her beach in Southie. I haven't been there since Covid. A letter would be good.

[fionaniconnor]

I would take the time to write it all out.

Sometimes I like to write my intentions and then burn the slips of paper. I wonder if writing her a letter, burning it, and spreading those ashes in the same place might help you.

[brickhousewench]

She may have been mad, but I suspect it was more fear, not being able to see and now knowing where she was. And she loved you, she wouldn't want you to keep suffering over doing the best you were able to for her.